I have many people who have asked how I'm doing so I figured I'd go high-tech and do a blog. That way, anyone who is interested can find out what's up. Just keep checking back. This first one will be lengthy because there's a lot of "catch up" to do.

 I seriously never imagined I'd be back in this position. Four years ago I had breast cancer. I caught it early, it had not spread to the lymph nodes, it was relatively small and I took aggressive steps to deal with it. I made it through the chemotherapy and numerous surgeries (mastectomies and then reconstruction) and felt great. I kept a positive attitude and ate healthier. I still feel great so it was rather a shock to be told a few weeks ago that the cancer was back and was now in my bones.

 Last July I began feeling some discomfort in the right hip/upper leg area. My symptoms lined up exactly with sciatica. I know many people who have had sciatica and the way they described what it felt like sure sounded like what I was experiencing. I had read on the internet that tumors can cause sciatica-like symptoms but I do believe in the power of positive thinking and quickly banished those rogue thoughts. I've never been obsessed or worried about a recurrence. I had appointments with my oncologist, Dr. Lloyd, every four months for monitoring and everything had always been great. I had a blood test in late July that was normal so I breathed a little sigh of relief thinking, "Ok, so it's not a tumor."  The discomfort stayed much longer than most references said that sciatica would. By early October, I was in my family practitioner's office for a urinary tract infection and mentioned to her that I'd had sciatica for three months. She ordered an X-ray and an MRI. The X-ray was done right away and when I saw her again the next week for a follow up visit she said the X-ray was clear. Once again, I was relieved to "know" that there weren't any tumors that were causing the pain.

The MRI took longer to schedule (insurance approval and all that). I had my every-four-month blood test with Dr. Lloyd on November 13 and was scheduled for the MRI on November 15. I mentioned the discomfort to him and told him that I'd be having an MRI two days later. He asked if I would request that the results also be sent to him.

The next day he called to tell me that something in my blood work "concerned" him and he wanted to see me so I arranged to see him after the MRI. That's the phone call that every cancer survivor dreads. The first thought is, "Sh*t." I felt a flush go through my whole body. Then a calmness began to set in. If it's one thing I am, it's calm in times of crisis. I told myself, "There's no reason to panic. This could be nothing to worry about. Even if it is something to worry about, the worst case scenario is that I'll be going home to God sooner than I had planned. I shouldn't be afraid to spend an eternity with the God who loves me so much."

The next morning I had the MRI and spent the entire time (about an hour) in prayer/meditation telling myself that everything was going to be fine. I went to Dr. Lloyd's office afterward and he said that it was my tumor markers that were slightly elevated and that he wanted me to have a PET/CT scan. Later that afternoon he called me to tell me that he had just seen the MRI films and that they were showing cancer activity in the bones of my lower spine and hip. I was able to calmly ask him, "So what does this mean?" He said that he was recommending that I go back in to treatment and that he believed I had a very good chance of responding well and going into remission. He's seen very good results with a combination of chemotherapy and a relatively new drug called Herceptin. Statistically speaking, people in my situation are lucky to last five years. But statistics won't tell you what will happen to any one individual. Dr. Lloyd asked me to have some additional tests: an Echocardiogram (some of the chemotherapy drugs can be toxic to the heart so you need a strong heart to start with), and a brain MRI.

My oldest daughter plays clarinet in the marching band at Ayala HS and the state championships were coming up that weekend. I didn't want her distracted from giving the best performance she could so I decided to wait until the weekend was over to start telling people. I told my ex-husband and my best friend (and musical collaborator/band partner) Albert. I had the Echocardiogram scheduled for the 17th, the brain MRI on the 20th and the PET/CT scan on the 21st. I hesitated to tell my parents. After I was finished with everything related to breast cancer (the first time), my sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She is nearing the end of her 18 months of treatment and is doing really well. We were just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as far as our family and cancer. And now this? It seemed incredibly unfair that we were going to go through this yet again. But, I realized that, if it were one of my children dealing with an illness, of course I'd want to know. I told them and asked if they wanted to go with me to my next appointment with Dr. Lloyd on the 22nd to get an idea of what that treatment plan would be. So, the day before Thanksgiving, my parents, my sister  and my ex were with me when I met with Dr. Lloyd. The brain MRI had been clear, the Echocardiogram had been good and the PET/CT scan showed a small tumor in my lung and tumors in my hips and femurs. He was strongly recommending chemotherapy (two drugs: Carboplatin and Gemzar) along with Herceptin. He was also going to throw in some Zometa to strengthen my bones. The treatment plan would be for an infusion of Carboplatin, Gemzar & Herceptin and the following week have a booster infusion of Gemzar then skip a week, then start over and do this routine six times. He was ordering two more MRIs - both hips and both femurs. Radiation might be an option but he would know more after the next set of MRIs. After a few infusions, I'd probably have another PET/CT scan to see how the tumors are responding.

I have put off starting the chemo partly because I have a very busy schedule and I frankly couldn't afford to be too tired to do some of the things that were on my calendar and partly because I really strongly believe that tumors can be "turned off" by nutrition and focused mind work (daily prayers, meditations, affirmations) and that the body has an amazing ability to naturally heal itself. Chemotherapy decimates not only cancer cells but many other cells as well, including immune response cells. It's a very non-specific, shotgun approach of treatment. I know people who know people who have been "miraculously" cured. There is a shrine to St. Peregrine in one of the churches that I sing at and I spent some time in prayer there, asking his intercession (he's the patron saint of cancer patients - in Catholicism, there's pretty much a saint for anything you can think up). A friend of mine knows two people who prayed there, held the saint's relic (a small chip of bone, I think) and were cured. I held that relic, too. Another friend brought me water from Ephesus, from the purported last home of the Virgin Mary. You're supposed to drink the water in seven sips. I drank the water. Some of this may sound like hooey. I don't care. I KNOW that I can be healed of this. Miracles happen. I intend to be one of those cases where people say, "Cheryl's tumors disappeared and she's been fine for years now". I'm not afraid of death for myself but for what it would do to my children. My kids are 20, 17, 16, & 14. I need to finish raising them.  I am scheduled to have chemo in two days. I believe that healing can come through many avenues - medical as well - and I suppose I'll be in that infusion room Wednesday morning unless something amazing happens between now and then. Prayer does work and I'm aware that there are many people praying for me. I am deeply appreciative and looking forward to the day when I can say again, "It's gone. I'm cancer free."